The Five-Year Argument About Shelving (And What It Taught Me About Communication)

Five years.

That's how long an argument about two shelving units had apparently been simmering quietly in our marriage.

Five Years of Unused Shelving

Five years ago, I bought them to organise our garage. I thought I had explained what I'd bought.

My husband thought I meant shelves that needed drilling into the garage wall. What I had actually bought were freestanding shelving units.

Neither of us realised we were having two completely different conversations. So the boxes sat there. For five years. Unused.

This weekend, while attempting to clear the garage, the frustration finally came to a head. Eventually, my husband looked inside the boxes.

They were exactly the kind of shelving units he had wanted all along.

Two Completely Different Conversations

My immediate reaction was: "You could have asked." "You could have looked." Both were true.

But so was something less comfortable: I could have explained myself better.

I could also have challenged the assumption instead of withdrawing, because I wanted to avoid an argument.

Neither of us checked whether what one person had said was what the other had understood. The result was five years of unused shelving, and a ridiculous amount of wasted frustration.

It made me think about Vanessa Van Edwards' recent conversation with Steven Bartlett on The Diary of a CEO. As more communication moves through email, WhatsApp, Teams and technology, honest human conversation matters more, not less.

Why This Matters Beyond a Garage

Because communication isn't complete when something has been said. It's complete when understanding has been checked.

That matters in marriages, leadership, business, and especially healthcare.

Assumptions create gaps. Conversation gives us the opportunity to close them.

Thankfully, both shelving units are now doing the job I bought them for, five years ago. Miraculously, all the pieces were still in the box.

The Question Worth Asking

What assumption, or avoided conversation, might be costing you more than you realise?

If this sounds familiar in your own team or relationships, it's often the starting point in coaching conversations too, understanding where communication breaks down long before it becomes conflict. I'd love to hear from you. Book a free 15 minute consultation here